TURN AROUND & CLOSE YOUR EYES.

:[

2008-11-12T20:06:37Z

everytime i think that i can finally move on, you always do this.

AH. i was doing REALLY good this time, too. don't give in now.

hiiiii. i'm still alive.

2008-11-10T04:23:03Z

so tina has been yelling at me to write in here, and its been quiteee a while, so i figured i probably should.

i graduated school october 21. finallllllly! :] its awesome. i work at gullos in medford right now. if they don't give me more hours soon, maybe not much longer. they're really making me mad. they promised me full time right outta school. so we'll see how that goes. but it feels GREAT to be done school. i just had my exit interview the other day, so the school sent all my stuff to the state. now i'm waiting to get my testing date for my state boards :]

so me and sean had gotten back together since the last time i wrote. and were actually still together until a couple weeks ago. but we are completely 100% over now. trying to talk to his ex behind my back. then trying to fuck her sister. real cute. waste of fucking time. serious waste of 2 years. i can't believe i thought i was going to marry that kid. zlskjcalksjl AH.

anyway. other than all of that, life has been pretty spectacular. i spend pretty much every weekend with tina & all of our friends and i love them all. i went out with lindsay like all last week and had an awesome time with her. i spent the weekend at drexel with chelsi and it was amazing! i love the college life, i kinda wish i did it. hahah. and i went to my first frat party last night. pretty exciting. i can't waiiiiit to go back.

i've met a few guys lately. i'm so not ready for a relationship right now though. i'm totally enjoying the single life. its been a long time. so whatever happens, happens. i'm happy spending all my time with my friends & meeting new people and just living life right now.

AND I WILL BE 21 IN ONE MONTH! AH. i'm soooooo excited. i really want to go to ac buttttt idkkk.

okay, i really need to go to sleep. its been a long weekend. <3

w0rd.

2008-06-17T21:23:55Z

so today was my first day on the clinic! we just did demo/busines stuff today. i'll get my first client tomorrow! i'm so excited/nervous.

my 3 day weekend was ridiculous/awesome/drunk/fun/confusing/sleepless. such a good weekend. minus me getting fired on sunday for texting and fighting with my manager. sweeeet.

went to the beach with tina and sam yesterday. and it took us 4 hours to get home we got so incredibly lost. it was fun though. beach trips every mondayyy. :]

i went to bernards today, the salon i want to work at. i sat down and spoke with the manager. she was super nice and seemed to like me. she said they had just hired someone, she'd only been working 2 days. but she'll def. give me a call if something opens up. and shes also going to call the cherry hill salon to see if they need anyone. i want to work there so bad. skdhgasd

i also went to champps sunday. they had just had a class, having another in 2 weeks. said they'd call. i just want a salon job i think.

as of right now me and sean aren't even talking. i love him, always will. but i just can't deal with it at ALL anymore. he makes me crazy and some of the shit he says is completely uncalled for and def. crosses the line. i can't take it. so i guess we'll see.

talking of michaelangelo.

2008-05-15T21:17:07Z

so i never update anymore. figured i might as well.

school is going great. we're already doing color and we're on the clinic in a month! i'm so excited. i can't believe i'm almost half way done already. its awesome. we went to ny for the IBS show (international beauty show) like 2 weeks ago. it was my first time in new york so i loved it. it was really cool though. and me, jen, britt, erinne, and des went to canal street and got some stuff.

work is pretty good too. i'm still working at macaroni grill. i make pretty decent money and everyone there is really cool. its probably my favorite job i've ever had.

most of my weekends are spent with tina and everyone and i absolutely love it more than anything. except last weekend so i'm kinda going through some tina withdrawl right now. but i love her and all her friends to death. and i don't know what i'd do without them.

and i don't see casey nearly enough as i need to. considering we spent EVERY day together for like 4 months before i started school. so me and her need to find some more time together.

me and sean are still kinda...i don't know. whatever we have been. we're still best friends and we're still in love. i sleep at his house usually 2-3 nights a week. but i don't wanna get back with him. atleast not yet. he needs to grow up and get his shit together more before i do get back with him. our puppy is huge. shes almost 50 pounds and 7 months already. she's so cute though. shes my little babyyyy. <3

so everything in my life is going pretty well as of right now. minus the $600 i owe in fines and what i'm gonna owe for doctors appointments. if anyone knows how i can get rich, please let me know. because that would be very helpful. hahah.

buttt i have to go work on my portfolio for school because its due in a few weeks and i'm not even half way done yet. so i need to get on that.

maybe i'll update again sooner than 3 months.

seriously

2008-03-20T02:57:05Z

driving me to fucking drink.

"i don't want to date you."

5 hours later, "maybe i'll date you again."

this is like every other day. you're making me crazy. you need to make up your mindddddddd. laskfjhashfkhsaf. i love you/i hate you. come over/leave me alone. give me my space/why aren't you talking to me. pick one or the otherrrrrrrr.

i love you more than anything in this god damn world but i'm beginning to lose my mind & i don't know what to think ever. you're confusing the fuck outta me.

silence_br0ken @ 2008-02-28T07:35:00

2008-02-28T12:39:25Z

yesterday was such a good day :] you haven't made me that happy in a while. it was nice.

i still have no idea what's going on. but, "wifey?" true. that was cute. i love you so incredibly much.

hopefully things are looking up. i'm reallllly hoping they are.

school is awesome. and i love it more everydayyyyy. so much hands on stuff lately. blow drying today. cutting in like 2 weeks. sweeeeet. getting my hair cut and colored saturday if i don't have workkkk!

work at the macaroni grill is ridiculous. i have a week to memorize intirely too much shit. and i hope that i can do it. champps also called me back for a job, and carrabbas. champps would be a sweet place to work.

silence_br0ken @ 2008-02-17T21:20:00

2008-02-18T02:23:56Z

it's strange to think the songs we used to sing
the smiles, the flowers, everything, is gone.
yesterday i found out about you
even now just looking at you, feels wrong.
you say that you'd take it all back, given one chance
it was a moment of weakness and you said yes.

you should've said no, you should've gone home.
you should've thought twice before you let it all go.
you should've know that word, bout what you did with her
would get back to me.
& i should've been there, in the back of your mind
i shouldn't be asking myself why
you shouldn't be begging for forgiveness at my feet.
you should've said no, baby and you might still have me.

you can see that iv've been crying
and baby you know all the right things to say
but do you honestly expect me to believe
we could ever be the same?
you say that the past is the past, you need one chance
it was a moment of weakness and you said yes.

i can't resist. before you go, tell me this,
was it worth it?
was she worth this?

silence_br0ken @ 2008-02-17T09:06:00

2008-02-17T14:11:51Z

slept at seans thursday, friday, and saturday. he got me a rose, candy, and a realllly cute card for vday. :] i don't know if i wanna be with him though. i mean i want to, but i don't know if i can. askl;djfklj. friday night lianna, jay, and amanda came over. and dave and nicole for a little bit. got really drunk. saturday me & sean layed around all day and watched the entire series of the kill point. from like 2 until 10. it was pretty good. then we cuddled and fell asleep at like ten. askljdkljad.

so i just got home and my moms like "where were you all weekend?" i'm like uh seans. you know that. and she's trying to tell me that i'm not allowed to sleep out. ever. like not even on weekends. i'm like seriously i'm 20 years old. i can sleep out. i lived on my own for over a year. you aren't gonna tell me that i can't sleep out. and she said "if you wanna come and go when you please you better find somewhere else to live." cool. thanks for nothing mom. don't open your fucking door to me if you're gonna be unwelcoming. she's done nothing but bitch and fight with me since i've been here. i'm hoping my dad will get me & him a place again. becauseeeee i'm clearly not staying here much longer.

i'm into nuggets yall.

2008-02-12T12:44:29Z

so friday night i went out with tinaaaa :] lots of fun. it was her friend melissas bday party thingy. tons of people. i love tina. shes my favorite. woke up saturday for the 10th time and finally left. went to a diner for breakfast. we won't talk about that. hahahah. uuuuum. then i discovered that casey had me sick and i was dying.

went to seans after around 2. laid around there all day and napped with him. went bowling for a little. and he slept at jons so i went home to rest since i needed it. slept and was sick all day sunday. then slept at seans sunday night.

scchoool is awesome. and i love it more everydayyyyy :]

started the next bowling league last night. my average is a 148. it was a 126 before. woooow. let's see if i can keep this up. haha. i bowled my first 200, a 212 sunday night :] yey me! thhhhen slept at seans again last night cause he wanted me to. i thinkkk things are going to be okay eventually. they're looking up.

thursday i think we're just doing cards and hanging out. then i'm going to bowling with him and we're having a sleepover. we're gonna do the whole out to dinner thing friday since we really don't have time thursday. so we're celebrating vday a little late. but whatttttev. lovehimsomuch.<3

now all i need to do is find a job and i'll be set.

;slkdfjskl

2008-02-05T12:42:53Z

so i started school yesterday, and i absolutely loved it! i actually get along with like everyone in my class. which is really cool because i didn't think that i would. we got our kits yesterday. SO much stuff! its a huge duffle bag WAY over packed with stuff. i'm so excited. i can't wait to do hairrrrr. :] yeyey.

after school i went out to dinner with sean & his family. his cousin leaves for the navy today so we had a thing for him. then i slept over his house. and my mom flipped out. uh OKAY. i lived there for over a year. and now you're gonna get mad if i sleep there sometimes? i don't think so. i'm 20 fucking years old. living here is gonna suck. i feel it already. we're going
"to have a talk" later. whatever.

i have no idea whats going on with me and sean. :\ we are completely in love. but we're still fighting all the the time. so i guess we'll see how this works.

okay. gotta finish getting ready and go to school!

this isn't easy for me.

2008-02-01T01:43:03Z

so i went to seans a little bit ago to get my stuff. and it was the hardest thing in the entire world. as soon as i got there i started crying and ran to him and hugged him and he told me loves me. we hugged and kissed and told each other we loved each a million times. i cried the entire time i was there and the whole ride back to my moms. i'm going with him on saturday to our puppy appointment. i don't know. i'm really hoping that time can make this work. because i want it so bad. but right now we just need to be apart for a little while. this hurts more than anything i've ever experienced in my life. it just feels so right when i'm with him. we just have to work on the other parts. we love each other so much. uhg. i just have to wait this out.

spending the weekend with tina. get my mind off things. i can't wait to get drunk. if i didn't have tina and casey i would never be able to get through any of this. they're both helping me so much.

i need to find a waitressing job a couple nights a week as sooooon as possible. i applied at fridays and bertuccis. and i'm going to apply at pf changs.

this is where i say i've had enough.

2008-01-30T21:42:27Z

so me and sean broke up monday night. i love him with all my heart. but we fight too much and never agree on anything. i really wanted it work. but it just isn't. i've been a pretty big mess. i'm still really upset and probably will be for a while. its so hard readjusting to life when everything you've known for so long isn't there anymore. i've spent every waking minute with him for over a year. and now he's just not here. i fall asleep alone at night and wake up alone in the morning. it's kind of an empty feeling. i know this is for the best right now but it's hard to keep remembering that when it hurts this much. i can't even talk to him without crying. hes been texting me today actually being civil. it kills me. and i miss our puppy so much. i got most of my stuff from his house. getting the rest tomorrow. he wants me to come when he's home but i know its just gonna make it so much harder. and i'm going to cry as soon as i get there. uhg. this is the hardest thing i've had to deal with in my life.

caseymariesalvato is the absolute best. i love her and would be so completely lost without her. and my tinnnnnnna. i love her toooo :] i'm staying with her part time so i don't have to go crazy at my moms. because me and my mom don't get along when we live together. so i spent most of the day with casey yesterday. then went over tinas. i'm going to tinas again tonight. leaving my moms soon to meet her. i just hope everything falls into place.

I START SCHOOL AT RIZZIERI ON MONDAY AND I'M SO EXCITED.

uhguhguhg. anywayyyyyyy i don't know. i'm gonna go. sdhfjhjgh.

if something is meant to be, it will happen.
so i guess we'll see if time brings change.

jersey just got colder & i'll have you know i'm scared to death.

2007-12-19T15:44:28Z

ONLY SIX DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS :]
wooo. i can't waiiiit. i love christmas.
mothers. seans gmoms/aunts. dads gfs for dinner.
it's going to be a long day, but i'm looking forward to it.

sean wants to get me a pitbull puppy! they're SO adorable. but his mother won't let us get one. he says he's going to get it anyway. we'll see about this. he got me a realllly pretty silver diamond heart necklace for my bday/anniversary.(which was sunday) i really wish he didn't give me guitar hero early. that would have been the biggest surprise on christmas.

HOPEFULLY getting the voyager! but if my dad has to change too much too his plan and its gonna cost him a lot more to upgrade and shit then i'm not getting it :[ sucks. why do you have to change all that shit? SO GAY. if not i'm getting the green eNV which is still okay.

i can't belive the year is almost over already! it went so fast! hopefully there's something fun going on new years eve. i'm trying to do somethinnnnng.

happy birthday to me! :]

2007-12-10T15:58:04Z

YEYEY :] it's my birthday! the countdown begins.
only 365 more days until i'm 21! woo.

friday night had a couple people over to celebrate & stuff.
had a really good time! my caseymariebabygirl came & made my night.
and amanda, sarah for a little, jess, nick, seans cousin richie & his friend.
AND SEAN GOT ME GUITAR HERO 3 for PS3 :] i love my boyfriend so much.
my mom got me dane cook tickets for my bday. that was a couple weeks ago.
me & sean went. it was really good. i love dane cook. he's my favorite.
and my dad is getting me my new phone! my plans up in a week or so!
i'm so excited! i've been waiting foreverrrrrr. i really want the voyager.
but its $300. so i might have to settle for the green env. which is still okay.

casey came xmas shopping with me yesterday. so i'm all done except for my dad. which he just wants a kohls gift card. so he's easy.

i need to see chelsi jane hartsough now before i really lose my mind.

me & seans one year is next sunday :]
he's taking me out to dinner & we're getting all dressed up & being cute.
he is the best ever ever ever. i love him more than anything in the world.
i don't know what i would do without him, he's my everything.

silence_br0ken @ 2007-09-24T15:58:00

2007-09-24T20:00:28Z

so this is what my week consists of:

monday: work at CPR 8:30am-4:30pm
seans bowling league, then my league so 6ish-11pm at the bowling alley.

tuesday: work at CPR 8:30-4:30pm
bowling stuff & spend time with sean.

wednesday: work at CPR 8:30-4:30pm
work at brentons 6-11pm.

thursday: work at CPR 8:30-4:30pm
work at brentons 5-11pm.

friday: work at CPR 8:30-4:30pm
spend time with sean. maybe go out or something.

saturday: sleep in. hopefully spend some time with sean.
work at brentons 5-11pm

sunday: sleep in again for as long as possible.
work at brentons 5-11pm

so i'm gonna be making mad money which is sweet. but i'm gonna be SO exhausted by the end of the weekend. then i have work mon-fri again like always at cpr. and hopefully only 2 nights at brentons next week. i only have 4 because i'm covering for 2 people this week. i would have had 5 if i didn't tell them i need off friday or saturday. so that means no days off for 2 weeks. hopefully its worth the money. aoisudlasjd. okay bye. i almost get to go homeeee :]

throw it away, forget yesterday.

2007-09-19T14:19:27Z

sal;djk. so i get paid every two weeks at my job. which means i have a lot of money at one time. and of course it makes me wanna spend it. whatever. zumies is my new favorite store and i wanna buy everything in there. i gave in. i got shoes. like REAL shoes. not flip flops or flats. i got pink & white DC's. with a pink and grey light plaid on the side. they're really cute. i feel funny wearing them though. i haven't had shoes like this in like 4 years. and i got the cutest jacket ever. i love it. its black and grey plaid. and like purple lining inside. and the hood has fur on it. it's adorable. i need to do some serious shopping. i need jeans. jeans. jeans. my dad said he'd take me shopping next month. so i'll just wait. finally got my oil changed yesterday. i'm only like 2 months late. oops. hopefully sean gets his car insuraned and registered today. then i can sleep in every morning! til 7.30 instead of 5.40am. i'm excited. work at this job til 4ish. then brentons til 11. such a long day. hopefully i make good money tonight. blahblahblah. this job is SO boring. it's ridiculousssssssss. work friday at brenton's again. SUCKS. i need money though. a lot of it. anyways. maybe i should do some work? hah.

GADZOOKS.

2007-09-13T11:54:58Z

i couldn't even tell you the last time i wrote in this thing.
it's pretty ridiculous.
but everything is going SO well. my life is so good.
i've done a complete 360 from where i was this time last year.
and i'm so happy with myself, my life.
i have two jobs. my full time job is an office manager/receptionst at a on site maintence place. they clean parking lots, put up signs, paint, fill potholes, stuff like that. i answer phones, file papers, do payroll, take care of bills and checks, etc.
and i also started working at brenton's a couple days a week.
me and sean are amazing. this month is 9 months. and i couldn't be happier. :]
sure, we still have our arguments but at the end of the day, everythings always fine. <3
i would be SO incredibly lost without him.
my mother finally treats me like an adult. well, atleast more so than she ever has.
my dad is also doing very good. i don't see him as much as i'd like anymore though.
the only thing i wish i had more of was time with my friends.
i miss so many people so much.
CHELSEA HARTSOUGH. I MISS YOU MORE THAN I CAN EVEN TELL YOU. tina. krysta. i don't see nicole nearly as much as i'd like to anymore. caseymarie!. caseyjones. kirsten. i really would like to start seeing people more.
OH. i also quit smoking likeee 4 or 5 months ago? i rarely even smoke weed. drink maybeee once a week. and i feel so much better about everything.
for the first time in a long time, i love my life.
♥

i'll let the bad parts in.

2007-03-11T19:01:33Z

so i haven't written in a while. longer than usual.
but everythings pretty much been steady & not much has changed.
i still can't believe that i've had what i wanted right in front of me for this long.
i've never been so happy and content.
i love sean more than anything in this world.
i haven't slept home in probably 2 months. i live at his house.
we still have trust issues, but that's understandable.
i'm going to do everything it takes to make the little problems in our relationship dissapear.
also, i've been working 5 days a week.
i like my job, but i'm not making enough money.
i'm going to apply at pj whelihans whenever i fill out the application.
i still have two more court matters to deal with, then i swear i'm never getting in trouble again.
other than that, everythings been going pretty good and i actually really like life right now.

you're always on my mind, all the time.

2007-01-03T03:16:07Z

happy new years.

new years resolutions.
- lose atleast 20 pounds.
- become a better person than i was last year.
- get my life completely together. [school, full time job]
- make sure nothing keeps us apart.<3

i ended up just spending new years at seans with him, callie & brian. i was okay with it. even though it would have been nice to be with nicole, dave, and jay. but it was my third year in a row spending new years with sean. and i wouldn't have wanted it other way. i really do love that boy. he really makes me happy. and is so adorable. this is the first night in 9 days i haven't slept at seans. and it's weird. i don't like it.

12:00am. happy 2007. <3

i have to go find out about my community service tomorrow. uhhhg.

silence_br0ken @ 2006-12-28T09:26:00

2006-12-28T14:32:20Z

so once again i spend most of my time with sean, nicole, jay, and dave. and i don't mind it at all. we all went to the movies the other night to see black christmas. too bad i put too much whiskey in my drink and ended up being a lot more drunk then i planned. still had fun though. i've spent more nights at sean's then i can count. i've barely been home the last week and a half. it seems too perfect to be real. we don't fight. our arguments don't last more than 30 seconds. we're absolutely ridiculous together. we're both always thinking the same thing. and have the weirdest, most interesting conversations you could imagine. and we're up all night talking like it's our job. it's kinda cute.

i need to go shopping. and i need to order the shit offline i wanted for christmas but of course no one wanted to order things online. gah. i need to call for my community service before the 3rd. which gives me a few days. i need to seriously start looking for a car. AND a job. hopefully the new year changes me completely. that's what i'm hoping for. maybe gain a little motivation. that'd be a terrific start.

christmas.

2006-12-26T00:16:28Z

mother's for xmas eve dinner. then breakfast. & baking cookies. cousins for xmas dinner.
despite all of the yelling at the football game i had to deal with, i think i made out pretty well.

what i got...
jacket from pacsun.
new digital camera.
paris hilton perfume set.
clinique happy perfume.
skull shirt from kohls.
shoes from journeys.

[movies]
empire records.
the rules of attraction.
the breakfast club.
butterfly effect 2.
empire records.
evil dead.
amityville horror.
DANE COOK. VICIOUS CIRCLE.

LOTS of chapstick.
LOTS of gum.
eyeliner.
mascara.
vanilla lotion.
coffee from starbucks.

[gift certificates]
$30 forever 21.
$45 hot topic.
$50 H&M.
$25 tunes.
$25 wawa.
$25 for the movies.
$50 fye.
$50 best buy.
AND starbucks.
and $130 dollars.

whats up shopppppping? who wants to come with me! :]

drink yourself to happiness.

2006-12-22T19:47:32Z

christmas is in 3 days and it doesn't even feel like december.
27 days until i get my license back which is sweeeet.
only $133 in fines & 15 days community service from my accident.
i got so lucky. 8 out of 9 tickets droppped. only underage drinking.
i'm already looking for a car. i need to get one soon.
all the cars i like are manual though, so i might have to learn to drive stick.
i'm going to start looking for a job after christmas.
i have no idea when or if i'm moving to mantua.
i'm sick of my dad telling me every week that we're going soon.
it's been over 3 months. i don't wanna hear it anymore.
and i don't wanna fight with him anymore. uhhh.
i'm taking a nap. bye.

silence_br0ken @ 2006-12-17T04:44:00

2006-12-17T09:47:40Z

if i could start this year over i would do everything differently.
so i guess i'm just going to start over next year.
and do things better than i did this year.
and not fuck up like i did this year.
because i've never made more mistakes in my life than i did this year.

YOU CAN ALL STOP MAKING ME THE CENTER OF OUR LIVES.
IF YOU HATE ME SO MUCH, STOP TALKING ABOUT ME.
thank you.

OH.

2006-09-19T03:21:55Z

i NEEEEEED cartel/new found glory/early novemember tickets.
as soooon as possible.
who wants to go get them with me? and does anyone know if/when they're on sale?
because i refuse to miss that show.
WHICH ONE IS EVERYONE GOING TO???

ALSO.
brand new/dashboard as well.

AND.
i took out my extensions again.
worst ever. my hair is SO bad right now.
NEVER EVERRRR get glue-in extensions.
i sware, it's not worth it.

silence_br0ken @ 2006-08-27T15:37:00

2006-08-27T19:40:06Z

MY SCREEN ON MY PHONE IS BROKEN.
LEAVE ME YOUR PHONE NUMBERS.
i can't get any of mine.